it has been qt a long time since i have blogged.. realli missed u alot.. realli.. alvin.. can u pls dun pity me if u dun have any feelings for me anymore? jus make me give up? dun treat me like u treat ya ex.. u realli dunit to be responsible for me..if u dun feel for me anymore jus leave me alone.. 6 mths past, its realli hard from all the msging to nw i try my very best to stop msging u but sometimes i jus fail to do that sry. noe wad? my plt mate was ya ex bf.. haha he told me abt u.. said she said that u were with me becox u wanted to make up to me for helping u.. alvin i realli hope even if u dun love me anymore, this was nt the reason u love me for.. i realli hoped..3 more wks to seeing u.. can i pls talk to u? jus for a while also will do? somewhre whre onli both of us will talk? can..
30 more days.

long time nv update le.. wonder hw u r doing.. hmm.. talk to bobbi actualli today.. he said he saw xinyuan and kahping and dat u r coming bk to look for cap peter.. he also say u talk to him online.. haha actualli i alreadi know u blocked me.. nt suprising la..the person u wana c when u come is cap peter rt? and bobbi and those sierra ppl rt..shld be then..its jus stupid dat i jus cant forget u.. cant blame anione except myself.. i am really tired.

yesterday jus went bukit batok botak jones haha memories came bk i really cant deny i cant forget.. i realli cant if onli i cld jus c u jus once to talk to u to tell u hw i feel to c hw u r doing.. then i crossed the road bk to whre we always go the ntuc whre we bought food to cook, the chinese sinseh whre u took me to when i have this bump on my hand..the prima deli shop.. it jus feels so close but yet so far.. whre r u? hw come u can sometimes jus come and go so sudden..i didnt talk to u becox i feel dat u can solve my problem but becox i feel u cld understand.. if it u feel dat i am using u again i have nthing to say..

if u cld jus erase the memories- i noe i will nv ever forget

few more wks to commissioning.. duno whther u will ever read this entry but yupxs quite disappointed that u didnt reply me duno whther its mine hp or rather u still feel that i am using u to solve my prob again i really duno seriously..i told u becox i feel that u r the one that onli believes in me..i rushed bk to read my msges haha then the msges just keep appearing but none was yours.. it was really qt dissappointing.. but it dun hurt so much le cox i noe i am always bothering u.. really gt this bad feeling that u will nv meet again.. maybe this will jus be the end..

i cant slp..properly.. the thought of just letting it go is tough.. but i have to do it.. jiayou!jiayou!

i love you but i know i cant love u anymore.
last entry.
it hurts really everytime when you seem to start openin up to me again and u tell me something that you r just asking or dropping the medicine for the last time. it really hurts and its really affecting me. i guess i really need to stop now..i really hope u will find someone u really love.. some day and me too.. i will move on.. take care.. thnks for making me love someone before, i really really want to spend my life with you but i know ya feeling is not thre anymore and this is the limit i can do..good bye.. and take care

pls dun do anything for me anymore.. u dunit to.. jus leave me alone pls.

hmm..was qt pissed yesterday... got the feeling that i am bothering u again, u jus said sumthing like jus asking only...like i am just asking abt hw u r feeling nthing else that kind.. hmm dun worri i wun bother u wan.. u can just tell me straight in the face..if dats hw u r feeling..

i dreamt of meeting u last night i was like near ya hse and suddenly ya mum ask me to join her for dinner, asking me to stay but i ran away afraid to see u.. i seldom dream but glad that i have dat dream.. when can i c u again? one day down to cing u..i really miss u alot..really afraid that u may tell me to go away again..

50 plus days to seeing u.. i promise i will take gd care of myself but i jus cant help falling sick.. got serious diahorrea today keep going toilet.. think have to go c ammo again tmr.. think even the ammo get tired of me.. first is rashes.. nxt is fever nxt nxt is diahorrea.. so wads next? but the gd thing is i slimmed down a fair bit haha.. yay then i will look better when i c u except for my hands and legs lo.. got alot of insect bites.. i promise i will get well.. i will u also must keep ya promise can?

i promise to take gd care.. u will keep your promise rt? u also take gd care k!

fall sick again......... bked in today but bked out again high fever.. haix.. why i jus cant seem to stop being sick..........?

i will forget! i will survive! :)

so long.. 9 days outfield.. almost died jus came bk injuries everywhre but i completed my jcc.. got iv dripped when i finished the course cox got physical exhausion totally too tired out..really wonder whther commissioning day really wil c u ant.. totally mentally and physically drained out le.. dats why i finally gave way dat day.. so i guess rt nw i really got no energy to think anymore except to accept the fact that u will nv come and we will nv meet.. if we do dats gd if nt it wldnt matter that much anymore.. u say if u dun care u wldnt even try to encourage me haha..so dats care rt.. hmm maybe like wt say.. maybe i am really fooled..to even keep giving myself excuses and excuses again.. okie.. wake up it wldnt happen anymore no more

last before i go.. sry for yesterday.. was hoping u to have a longer msg.. realli jcc is nt something i am confident of esp navex i tried many ways to improve and nw i am better already ready to go jcc but rashes came up.. felt so low.. i may just fly thre and nt go for the course must c my condition... nv felt so low before.. the jab made me feel weak also.. i need alot of slp too.. i almost fainted after i took the jab la.. and got alot of breathing difficulties.. wenting was thre also.. haix think she also scared by me haha.. cox i keep waking up unable to go to slp cox scared i wun be able to breathe properly.. i really really will try my best but realli super low nw.. haha.. u must take gd care of yaself k.. u say de horx u will be thre if i commission.. so i will def try my best...


take care. bye

and yes i shld give up.. nw.. at this moment in my bunk nw.. ya hardship is only temporary.. other than that take care.. seems so .. haha i shld have known okie.. dun msg me animore can? i will give up nw.. i promise.. just let me lead my own life.. u r nt at all concerned think u shld have found someone new le.. gd luck and be happy k.." i noe u r leaving tmr nite le" haha ya u dunit to know jus like u dunit to see anione commission ya correct i agree fully with u.. leave me alone.. bye

feel realli realli down today.. got a very stupid rash and it spread to my whole face.. went to plc medical centre to take a jab buden it didnt realli help instead make me even more sick wanted realli badly to go hme cox i realli feel qt sick but have to go for rcp..felt super low..if onli i cld just hear u i promise i wun be so down.
can u just appear before me nw? pls..just before i go brunei? i am really afraid i wil nt b able to make it i am dying of fatigue and everything..
pls i only wan to see u nthing more. take gd care of yaself k.

http://www.lalaclub.com/sn_music/uploadfile/2007-11/208920_20071140053495.wma
this song is super nice if u got time then listen k :)

was just thinking can u tell me why u always dun wan to reply me? isit becox u wan me to concentrate on my career? why? why do u always have to come and go again.. hw r u nw? wad r u doing? these qs always pop up whenever i thought of u.. my friend ask me why why do i keep looking over to sierra wing.. cox my memories all remained thre.. do u know ya msges make me happy at the same time upset.. cox it feels so unrealistic..

i duno why but i just still love u dats why. it nv changed. i really hope u r doing well. and this blog only both of us know. no one else. take care k.

finally created a blog maybe will be a gd place to pen down my thoughts for u.. i am counting down everyday to commissioning.. nt even sure of myself whether i will be able to c u but still its just a hope..think most prob u wun come i will understand.. realli happy like wad i have said happy dat u rmbered my bdae.. but u didnt reply again to my smses and email.. why do u have to always come and go again? do u really still care abt me? dun u wan to c me again? i really duno wad to do.. i can only wait.. maybe someday we will c each other again.. maybe or maybe u will just turn and walk away again. i really hope.