i cant slp..properly.. the thought of just letting it go is tough.. but i have to do it.. jiayou!jiayou!

i love you but i know i cant love u anymore.
last entry.
it hurts really everytime when you seem to start openin up to me again and u tell me something that you r just asking or dropping the medicine for the last time. it really hurts and its really affecting me. i guess i really need to stop now..i really hope u will find someone u really love.. some day and me too.. i will move on.. take care.. thnks for making me love someone before, i really really want to spend my life with you but i know ya feeling is not thre anymore and this is the limit i can do..good bye.. and take care

pls dun do anything for me anymore.. u dunit to.. jus leave me alone pls.

hmm..was qt pissed yesterday... got the feeling that i am bothering u again, u jus said sumthing like jus asking only...like i am just asking abt hw u r feeling nthing else that kind.. hmm dun worri i wun bother u wan.. u can just tell me straight in the face..if dats hw u r feeling..

i dreamt of meeting u last night i was like near ya hse and suddenly ya mum ask me to join her for dinner, asking me to stay but i ran away afraid to see u.. i seldom dream but glad that i have dat dream.. when can i c u again? one day down to cing u..i really miss u alot..really afraid that u may tell me to go away again..

50 plus days to seeing u.. i promise i will take gd care of myself but i jus cant help falling sick.. got serious diahorrea today keep going toilet.. think have to go c ammo again tmr.. think even the ammo get tired of me.. first is rashes.. nxt is fever nxt nxt is diahorrea.. so wads next? but the gd thing is i slimmed down a fair bit haha.. yay then i will look better when i c u except for my hands and legs lo.. got alot of insect bites.. i promise i will get well.. i will u also must keep ya promise can?

i promise to take gd care.. u will keep your promise rt? u also take gd care k!

fall sick again......... bked in today but bked out again high fever.. haix.. why i jus cant seem to stop being sick..........?

i will forget! i will survive! :)

so long.. 9 days outfield.. almost died jus came bk injuries everywhre but i completed my jcc.. got iv dripped when i finished the course cox got physical exhausion totally too tired out..really wonder whther commissioning day really wil c u ant.. totally mentally and physically drained out le.. dats why i finally gave way dat day.. so i guess rt nw i really got no energy to think anymore except to accept the fact that u will nv come and we will nv meet.. if we do dats gd if nt it wldnt matter that much anymore.. u say if u dun care u wldnt even try to encourage me haha..so dats care rt.. hmm maybe like wt say.. maybe i am really fooled..to even keep giving myself excuses and excuses again.. okie.. wake up it wldnt happen anymore no more

last before i go.. sry for yesterday.. was hoping u to have a longer msg.. realli jcc is nt something i am confident of esp navex i tried many ways to improve and nw i am better already ready to go jcc but rashes came up.. felt so low.. i may just fly thre and nt go for the course must c my condition... nv felt so low before.. the jab made me feel weak also.. i need alot of slp too.. i almost fainted after i took the jab la.. and got alot of breathing difficulties.. wenting was thre also.. haix think she also scared by me haha.. cox i keep waking up unable to go to slp cox scared i wun be able to breathe properly.. i really really will try my best but realli super low nw.. haha.. u must take gd care of yaself k.. u say de horx u will be thre if i commission.. so i will def try my best...


take care. bye

and yes i shld give up.. nw.. at this moment in my bunk nw.. ya hardship is only temporary.. other than that take care.. seems so .. haha i shld have known okie.. dun msg me animore can? i will give up nw.. i promise.. just let me lead my own life.. u r nt at all concerned think u shld have found someone new le.. gd luck and be happy k.." i noe u r leaving tmr nite le" haha ya u dunit to know jus like u dunit to see anione commission ya correct i agree fully with u.. leave me alone.. bye

feel realli realli down today.. got a very stupid rash and it spread to my whole face.. went to plc medical centre to take a jab buden it didnt realli help instead make me even more sick wanted realli badly to go hme cox i realli feel qt sick but have to go for rcp..felt super low..if onli i cld just hear u i promise i wun be so down.
can u just appear before me nw? pls..just before i go brunei? i am really afraid i wil nt b able to make it i am dying of fatigue and everything..
pls i only wan to see u nthing more. take gd care of yaself k.